my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
