I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
