Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
