So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
