god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
