remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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