I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize