need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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