We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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