I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
tell me about the fingering
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