It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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