I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
