"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
