Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize