Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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