I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
