i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
