How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
