the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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