Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
