I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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