and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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