I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
