why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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