shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
