I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
