Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
