you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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