She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
