she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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