Sry I called you an 8
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize