He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
