sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
