There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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