Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
