My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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