Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you didnt know i had herpes?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
