who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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