omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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