Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
