Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
