having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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