69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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