I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize