first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
