i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
