I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
