So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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