I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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