sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
