i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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