i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His nipple licking is glorious
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