just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Even my vagina gasped.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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