Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
