so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
