I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
