I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what day is it and did you see me today?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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