I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
