he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize