I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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