You made me cry and you don't even care
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
