I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
