..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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