please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
