Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
