I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
