ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
