Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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