i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
