i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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