she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
