on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
