Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Watching her eat just hurts me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
