yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
