Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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