Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
